Sunday, October 31, 2010

When i drink i tend to be over confident. this is how it backfired.

So i was meant to be working last night from 7-10 (shit shift i know) and then after work the BJ video girl was meant to be staying over. but at 6:45 work called me and said dont worry about coming in, its quiet. "TO THE FOX I GOOO" i yell in the phone to the manager and by 8pm im at my friends house and shortly after on the way to the fox.

we get to the fox and my friend had seen "get him to the greek" aaaages ago but i only just saw it and finally appreciated the "awrite luv" line. so every girl i saw "awrite luv" they didnt like it. i did. fuck them for not having a sense of humour. the drinking begins. i forget that BJ girl - lets call her V, is meant to be coming over and im starting to get drunk. oops, oh wells i prefer new meat anyway. My friend sees his fake titted fuck buddy (V's close friend i should add, what are the odds?) and we go say hi. she asks if im matt because V has told her a lot about me. 

She has 4 hot friends, i systematically over the course of the night try to pick all 4 up but fake tits tells them no and is getting mad at me. so we go upstairs and while waiting for a drink at the bar some random dude comes up to me and says,

 "see the blonde at the bar, she wants to get to know you better"

"fuck her, tell her to come over here" (we were convinced he didnt know her) 

i then catch eye contact with her and give her a smile, she gives a ridiculously cute one back and its on. i walk over and say "you cant just look at me like that and not come say hi, im matt" she said "im sorry i had to wait and get my drink"

"dont worry about it, if you werent so fucking cute id be mad" 

i then kissed her and it was definitely on.  one of my fastest pickups thus far. 2nd fastest to be exact, got the kiss in under a minute and she would be close to the hottest girl ive picked up. anyway, im hooking up with her for a fair while, picking her up wrapping her legs around me. I tell her i need to get a photo for my collage of me making out with her :

(Deleted - No pics of girls please :P -Dex)

shes grinding against my dick and this is where i fuck up. At this point i should have grabbed her hand and left. but i was out with my best mate and for some reason i keep thinking bro's before ho's. turns out he thought id already left with her and didnt care :@. he finds me and meets the girl and we go to the bar, shes still grinding my dick while at the bar so i turn to my friend and say "should i finger her on the bar?" he just looked at me stupidly because we both knew the answer. i start rubbing her clitoris at the bar, she slows down and is still rubbing against me. i show my friend the task being completed (yeah i was bragging, who cares) we get drinks and then out of nowhere her other friends say their lift is here and try to drag her away. i tell her to stay with me tonight, she says she has to go but will talk to me later and gives me a kiss good bye. it was 100% my fault, i know i could have fucked her earlier but stayed around with my friend and the window of opportunity closed. i will fuck her tho, ive been messaging her today and its still most definitely on.

Anyway, that was when i was playing serious, afterwards is where my drinking backfired. 

we go upstairs and i see a 6 that has a really cute face but a tiny bit bigger than girls i usually talk too. im drunk i figure so its fine. i grab her and start playing the game as per usual and then i see Ari and tell him infront of the girl he has to see my BJ video. she hears this and isnt impressed and tries to walk away but i try to grab and say comeon, where you goin, you have to see it too. she was gone. meh.

I see a picture of ari's dick and then show him a video of my dick. dick for all.

At this point V is messaging me because she was meant to come over. i was like FUCK and just gave my phone to my friend to deal with her.

we go back downstairs and find fake tits and her friends, the 1 remaining friend that i hadnt tried to pickup was there so in i went. it was on, very on. but then fake tits grabbed her friend and said NO do not get with him. fuck. so i then started talking to fake tits and she was asking me why im such a player

"because i can have any fucking girl i want"

"i like the confidence, but really why?"

i grab her and tell her she knows she wants me and thats why shes pissed off with me because im picking up her friends. My friend is currently fucking this girl and is just sitting there trying not to laugh because she is getting angry at me.

"whered you're hot friend go, i must have her"

"matt, just dont. shes been screwed around by one too many guys"

"whats 1 more then?"

she then tells me that V really likes me and i say WTF she saw me hooking up with other girls and saw my take a girl home.

i say something again about where is your fucking friend. shes mine tonight. this doesnt please her. so i say fuck this im going upstairs for new meat. i go up there and its pretty dead so i come back down only to find fakies pissed off with my friend (because of me) i tell them im going to sleep in my car.

2 mins later my friend comes n gets me and tells me that he will never get to fuck her again because hes guilty by association. she really didnt like me. im convinced he can still get her back. anyway, we get home and i decide its time to fix things with V. this is how it went.

This is the convo over the entire night. this is not how to woo a lady via text.

incase you're wondering. thats a picture of my balls. 

This is not how to play the game properly, im more interested in being funny than getting bangs, but at the same time still get bangs. 

thats my story from last night. kinda boring. meh.

i should add, this method of being overly arrogant / cocky works. and works well. but only on sluts as Ari pointed out and i agree with. nice girls hate me, party girls like me. but since all i want right now is emotionless sex this is the right kind of game for me. It works fast, or you get blown out fast. no need to fuck around wasting time on girls going nowhere. but you need strong inner game, i get rejected a shitload but dont give a fuck because i know im the man and that someone hotter will come along.

So, i made my first facial video.

My best friend and I are kinda competitive when it comes to picking up and out doing each other. It started when i recorded the Orgasm Ringtone with the girl i wrote a FR about "Some girls just dont understand". Anyway, for those who havent read that basically i recorded a girl having an orgasm and turned it into a ringtone, then i showed it to my best friend and we started talking about all the possibilities of recording ourselves.

We decided that we would get spycams, but then a bit later we decided that we would just put video camera's at the end of our beds and just see what the girls said.

Then, Last wednesday night to 1-up me my friend video;d himself blowing on a girls tits and fuck was i jealous. We decided there was a list of things that were better, one being recording a facial, then the ultimate thing to record was giving a facial while saying "im the greatest pirate hunter in the world" - the line from Pirates. Much giggling was had at the thought of how epic the video would be.

So, in an attempt to win the game on sunday night while getting a BJ i pulled my camera out only for the girl to say no and make me put it away. FUCK i thought, i wanted to win. there is no way i could let him out do me. later in bed with the girl i randomly start giggling because im thinking about the awesomeness that could have been. She asks me whats up and i tell her the whole story about the game and all and she just laughs at how weird it is. Then said i should have gotten her drunk and it would have happened "pfft, you dont need to be drunk" was my reply.

She leaves and later im telling my mate about how i tried to win, and that when i invite her over again i swear to god il beat him. This is where the race begins.

I shouldnt have told him, because then straight away he starts messaging the girl he made his video with and tells her the whole story and starts making plans to get her over that night (last night). and i think FUCK and start messaging my girl like crazy saying she needs to come over etc. she is reluctant and i bribe her with spoons. she says shes 30 minutes away but my friends girl is 2 blocks away. i start getting nervous because he shows me parts of the convo where she is keen to come over and i am almost sure that im going to lose. Alas, 10 mins before my girl arrives his girl decides against the idea and then i start talking to Ari and Dex on FB telling them of the race for a few mins before she arrives. She gets here, i try to make the video right away but she isnt keen so after a few episodes of entourage and a glass or 2 of vodka its on.

"im the greatest pirate hunter in the world" as im blowing ropes all over her face on camera. as soon as im done i change my facebook status to confirm to my friend that ive completed the task as well as call him but as i call him to tell him on the other end of the phone i get a depressed friend.

 Other reasons ruined my fame and now i sit there on the couch naked feeling depressed knowing my mate is in his house down on himself because of fucking whores. I tell my girl that she has to leave so i can go be with my friend but she said she cant because shes been drinking. Fuck.

So here i am, the greatest pirate hunter in the world. Fame cut short by a depressed friend and i was stuck here on the other side of brisbane not being able to go hang with him.

my greatest moment and i couldnt share it.

But, this is only the beginning, many more races will happen. the motivation caused by something liek this is amazing.
So, there is a girl im fucking at the moment who just doesnt get it. il start from the beginning.

2 weeks ago (i think) i was at the regatta with my friend who had just been dumped by his girlfriend and he wanted me to take him out and help him pickup. I love gats and although previous nights out with this guy have ended up with him wanting to take home fatties, me winging a fatty, then us getting to their place and me not being able to bang something so fat so we swam in their pool and left our undies floating as we left.

thats beside the point, we go to gats and yeah hes a terrible wingman, i would be 1v1 with a girl and he would come up saying i have the biggest dick hes seen, or "this guy is a good man" or, when he was drunker he would finger their ass and rub it on their mouth - that was actually kinda hilarious". but i digress, i had seen this blonde 7 a few times during the night, caught eye contact, pointed at her and she came over a bit of fluff me saying she was fucking hot then me saying "ive never taken so long to kiss a girl before, its intriguing" then kissing her. got her number etc but didnt try to fuck her that night - who knows why.

She facebook stalks me, adds me and sends me a message asking why she never go my number. KEEN i thought, so i gave it to her and invited her over the next night. she sends me a message:

"yeah so we're not going to have sex if thats what you're thinking" i replied with

"come on, you barely know me but if you dont kiss me as good as last time we cant be friends"

She comes over and we're in my bed watching a movie - she loves my tongue in her ear so i started licking her ear and she says "i want you", Silly girl saying no bangs. i fucked her a few times that night and she stayed over.

She asked where she stands with me, i tell her i dont want a GF but while we're having fun why should we have to put labels on things (im trying to make an open relationship kinda thing). she says im just like every other guy buy she still wants to see me again so i invite her over again. This time i figure i will be a cunt to her because i dont want her getting attached. so yeah im pretty mean to her most of the night and fuck her a few times and said to her "promise not to fall in love, im not the guy for that" she says "i cant promise that, but il try" this is the part where i start getting a guilty conscience. So, to make her not like me i decided it was time for a surprise facial while she was giving me a BJ because ive never given a facial before. it was satisfying, and she didnt talk to me for 5 minutes - i guess she was surprised.

she leaves the next morning and sends me a text saying "last night was beautiful" WTF i just blew my fucking load all over your face. it wasnt beautiful, it was heroic. 

SO i invite her over again for bangs, this time i tell her that im recording it to make a ringtone. She says no, i said ok let me go get my phone il start recording. She keeps saying while its recording - its not gonna happen. But the best part is where she tells me to turn it off and i say "ok its stopped, i promise" and she screams ITS STILL RECORDING, YOU SUCK PENIS. but i continue recording and made her orgasm the ringtone for when she calls me - if any of you guys dont believe me/want to hear it, i will show you the recording in its entirety from my phone if i ever meet you out - and the ringtone. 

She leaves again and sends me more messages asking what i want from her, i tell her again that im not looking for a gf and that if she thinks i will be committed to her that i wont be, im a player etc. she says she STILL wants to see me, and that the way i look at her surely means more than just sex. it doesnt. 

Ok, she asked to come around last night, i was pretty drunk and told her that ive been drinking and if she wants to come over she has to coem pick me up from the party im at. she agrees to this and comes pretty much straight away. while drunk im getting kinda annoyed at seeing her so much, so i was a cunt to her the whole night saying things like "yeah so basically i just needed a lift home, thanks". I ended up fucking her a few times and then thought about how my best friend always loves blowing on a girls tits. so again while she was giving me a BJ i whipped it out and put 2 ropes on her chest before she quickly swallowed the rest to prevent any more chest fire.

She still says how much she likes me, and wants to see me again tomorrow. I cant deal with the amount of time im spending with the one girl - im going to blow her off tomorrow.
Last night after going to the movies with RichoTB, Drama and MrYano we went to the fox, i was drinking, my first time in 3 weeks. Anyway, i get a text from a girl i picked up the previous week asking where i am and that i should come to the normanby. My best friend saw this and grabbed my phone promising that hilarity ensues.

"your ass would look good on my cock" is how he replied. i laughed at this and didnt tell her it wasnt me. anyway she still told me to come to the normanby so after having some more fun and completely writing myself off i decided that i did in fact want to fuck her. so i went to the normanby and she asked about the message and i said "That was my friend messaging you, but i will still fuck you" (for some reason last night in my drunken state i decided that to get a snl i needed to tell every girl that i was going to fuck them, within a minute or two of talking to them, this didnt work)

One thing lead to another with her and i took her home, round one was all well and good but my condom had broken without my noticing and i blew my load right on in there. this should have given off warning bells that tonight wasnt going to go well. Round two time, she was ontop riding me and i decided i wanted to dominate her so i picked her up and forced her on her back while still fucking her. At which point she was trying to kiss me and her head smashed into my forehead and she chipped the fuck out of her tooth. She is american and needless to say had perfect teeth, now i chipped the fuck out of it and she looks like a common whore. 

I call my best friend at 3am many many times telling him of my fails, but this fail was so good that i decided to get the girl to call him and tell him what happened while i laughed in the background. Looking back on the situation i probably shouldnt have laughed at her fucked up tooth, and in the future, if the girl wants to ride me, il just let her ride me.

Pic for proof ;)

Here we go

This is a journal with sole purpose of posting my FR's from the brisbane fraternity. I do it for the luls. I have a Hairless Cat. I dont take anything seriously. I live in Australia. These are my Adventures.