Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Starting at 9pm yesterday, My best friend and i had a race for the first person to fuck in a toilet from that point onwards. This is my story of trying to win that race.

So it began at Alhambra on the dancefloor. There were hotties everywhere, i knew i would win the race, im confident in the fact that i can find sluts. First girl i see on the d-floor is looking at me cheekily so i grab her and tell her shes fucking hot. She starts dancing against me, im seeing all the signs so i pull her hair back and try to kiss her - "i have a boyfriend". "he doesnt have to know" she doesnt like this so i tell her to go away, im looking for sluts.

She took this as a challenge so kept grinding against me so i start grabbing her tits and rubbing her through her panties and say into her ear "lets go fuck in the toilets" she shakes her head so i again push her away and go to the bar. that was attempt 1 failed.

Let me digress for a moment. So im sure you all know im out in clubs a lot. There is one girl that i see every fucking time im out, my perfect girl. Tiny, small tits, long brown hair and bright red lipstick. my balls quiver every time i see her but ive been putting off trying to pick her up until i know im the man. Right now, i know im the man. I see her and go try pick her up, im hugging her, getting lots of signs but i dont try to kiss her. she says "i really have to go to the bathroom, but can i give you my number?" MY FUCKING DREAM GIRL and she asks to give ME her number. i of course get it and am so fucking happy. weeks of watching her beauty from afar have finally paid off. Anyway lets continue.

A girl walks past me "AWRITE LUV" she turns and looks weird at me "come on, give me a fucking smile i know you have a cute one in there somewhere" I dont get her name but within a minute im kissing her on the d-floor and because i wanted to win the race im escalating so fucking fast so i start grabbing her tits, rubbing her through her panties. she starts biting my lip and grabbing my dick. "i want to fuck you right now, lets go to the toilets". "im not that kind of girl" - so i tell her fine, i will go find a slut who wants to fuck me then and leave her. Attempt 2 Failed.

Girl 1 comes back and starts grabbing my dick after seeing me with girl 2 and i tell her if shes not prepared to fuck me in the toilets right now, dont bother. im not interested. she keeps grabbing my dick so i just play with her tits, i like tits. I then see another girl looking at me as shes walking past me as im grabbing this girls tits so i high five her and pull her in close. 

I tell her that shes fucking cute, but im not looking for cute im looking for sluts tonight. "I could out slut you anyday of the week" - Challenge accepted. i start kissing her, grabbing tits, wrapping her legs around me on the d-floor and i stop sucking face for a moment and see my perfect girl, the one ive wanted to weeks. just standing there looking at me in disgust. I stop kissing my girl and try to talk to Perfection, but she walks away. im heart broken. my ego just got in the way of a girl that i have lusted after for weeks and have been so nervous about talking too. now i had ruined it. "FUUUUUCK" i scream. then tell my friend what happened and he just laughs at me and says "poetic justice". 

I go back to the slut i was with, tell her that she has no chance of out slutting me "try me" she says. so i said "fine, lets go fuck in the toilet". "Lets". I grab her and off we go, i realise i dont have a condom so i just yell "SOMEONE GIVE ME A FUCKING CONDOM" a nice stranger gives me one and pats me and my girl on the back, straight into the toilets we go. we see the cleaner so go into a different cubicle, he says "comeon, i need to clean that can u use the other one". "sure, thanks man" i say back and anyway we're in the toilet and i start fingering her, she undoes my pants and starts giving me head.

BANG BANG BANG,  BANG BANG BANG "whoever is having sex in the toilet, stop now and come out, this is security"

wtf i think, and keep getting head. Then they fucking unlock the door while my dick is still out so i quickly put it back in my pants before the lady bouncer comes in and says we're being kicked out for fucking in the toilets.

Dex then messages me asking where i am, i say im being kicked out for fucking in the toilet so he meets me and my girl outside and we tell him the story. and then bid our farewells because we were going to find an ally to fuck in.

We go to the carpark across the road from GPO and its on again, she starts giving me head and i finger her more. I try to fuck her and i realise that me being 6'4" fucking sucks. i cant fuck her properly because im too tall. the angles are working against me, after a min or two of trying to find a good position my dick is getting soft so i pull the condom off and throw it away and tell her to give me more head.

this works and im back at attention only to realise that that was my only condom. FUCK, i tell her what i did and shes slightly mad but i tell her to jsut give me head and i will fuck her another time.

"I havent sucked a dick in a while, so i hope im not bad" - wtf, being this much of a slut i know shes done this before.

"How old are you?" - "oh i just turned 18 last week, this is the first time ive been to a club"

jesus fucking christ, first time at a club and she almost gets fucked in a toilet!

anyway, i tell her its a rule that i have to get a picture of her giving me head, and of her naked in the carpark. she doesnt mind this but i realise its the first night EVER that i didnt bring my camera. so i take a few pics with my shitty iphone camera. here is her naked - theres no face so it should be fine.

(due to not wanting to get my blog banned ill just share link: ) 

edit:Hmm so looking on her FB, her face isnt as good as her body. meh, shes a slut and thats all that matters. fuckable for sure.
Edit2: Here i changed it for an enhanced version

I then go down on her, well she was sitting on a hand rail but you know what i mean.

I then tell her im stealing her underwear for my sex bowl, "wtf is a sex bowl", "its a bowl of shit i steal from girls i fuck, you can either give me your underwear of your bra, your choice", "well its my fav bra, so keep the undies"

I guess its a lie of an item, because i couldnt fuck her due to being shit and positioning in public places.

We then finish up and go back to find our friends only to see Dex walking home, so we talk there and i tell him that she just gave me head in a carpark. and that we should have a threesome! I then pull her dress up to show Dex that i stole her undies and tell him to finger her. Dex plays with her vag ahahah. but none the less the threesome idea didnt work and i say bye the Dex. I get the girls number and she tells me we have to fuck soon, i tell her id like that.

She leaves, i get let back into Alhambra (weird right?) and the night ends.

Thats my story of getting so close, yet so far from winning the race with my friend in under 3 hours, All by being open with the girls telling them i would fuck them in the toilets, only took 3 attempts. but all in all, it was a good night. i got head in a carpark, i took naked pics of an 18yr old and a pic of her giving me head. and im sure as fuck i will fuck her soon - ive been messaging her today and its still on.

But, i will ALWAYS regret last night. my prefect girl and i quite possibly ruined it with her. I will still text her etc and see if i can fix it. i must have her, but i think if i do get her i will fall in love and it will ruin my days of being the man. I currently have 2 girlfriends, a girl that i will fuck (from last night), an 18 yr old i fucked last tuesday that likes me but i havent messaged since fucking her and 3 girls i constantly text / talk dirty too that im trying to fuck.

When getting into the pickup business i told myself i wanted 5 girlfriends and then i would stop. i never though it would be possible in only 4 months but i know its getting close and i know i can do it. but i would give them all away to just have that one girl. fuck.

This is how to text game a slut. The shadow way.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

This is me living up to my nickname. fuck.

So 2 nights ago i was with my best mate at regatta and we were just doing what we usually do. The girl from my FR about making orgasm ringtone was there but i wasnt interested in her that night. i wanted new meat. Anyway my friend got picked up by the hottie hes banging and i later on find out he video taped himself blowing on her tits. fuck i love him ahahaha. After he left i one man wolf packed it for a while and found some blonde girl and was hooking up with her but her friend kept giving me a cheeky grin so i thought my chances for a fuck with the friend were higher. so i switched and within 10 minutes was in a cab. i was dominating. on the way back to my place with the girl on the way home i get messages from the ringtone girl who was watching me the whole time saying that i suck and that if i was hooking up infront of her to rub it in its not very nice. i wasnt, i didnt know she was right there. meh.

I get her home and go straight to the bedroom and take her clothes off and start fingering her and thats when i find my problem. I cant get hard for the life of me. as my friend nicely put it, i was pummelling myself into oblivion for 15 minutes trying to get it hard. it wasnt going anywhere fast so i just went down on her and thats when problem number 2 came. we were on these pills and my mouth was dry as fuck. so itold her i was going to get a drink, then came back and took my position tongue between legs. 1 min later and my mouth is dry as fuck again and im still not hard. so i gave up, she went to the toilet and i stole her g-string for my sex bowl. Made her get the train home the next morning.

Then, Last night we were at Alhambra. I thought it was hilarious to steal every girls who walked past straws. none liked this but i did. Anyway then a hot 18yr old walked past holding hands with her friends but i grabbed her and started talking to her. Started hooking up with her and pulling her against my dick, picking her up and wrapping her legs around me etc. My friend was throwing ice at me and some random guy kept slapping me on the ass. i said to her "i want you so fucking bad" she said "me too" and i grab her hand, tell my friends im leaving and we head outside to the cabs. then she says "shit i cant leave, my mum is picking me and my friends up later, where else can we go?" I suggested the park which seemed like a good idea but then she said how about we just go to the toilets. So we go back inside she sees her friends and i see mine, i tell my mate im about to fuck her in the toilet and he said something along the lines of "what the fuck are you doing then, go" so i grabbed her and lead her to the toilets.

get into the male toilets and i get pats on the back from the guys in there, but theres a fucking line. in the male toilets, wtf, ive never seen a line before and we're like 3rd in line. we keep hooking up for like 5 mins and line hasnt moved. so we try the female toilets, bigger line. i say "damn you and your mum" she giggles and we give up and go back and hook up against the bar. i start putting my hand down her pants grabbing her ass etc. start rubbing her through her panties then go to try finger her and she had a hair fucking vag. it caught me by surprise, a hot 18yr old with a hairy vag. she then pulled my hand out of her pants before i fingered her and then the bouncer comes up and says "sorry guys no kissing on the bar". we made out for a bit more but then i tell her she should go dance with her friends but come say bye. i got her number etc and yeah kissed her more before she left. Il try see her again because i thought she was fucking hot, my friend said she was hot in the way that says her mother must have been drinking a lot during pregnancy. haha.

Oh wells, i now have 1 more photo for my collage. im trying to take a picture of me making out with every girl im with so that i can print them all out and hopefully have an entire wall covered with different girls in my bedroom. will be epic, thought of the idea yesterday. now i wish i had taken photos of all the girls so far and not just some.

But, 2 nights in a row, 2 different girls. am right there and somehow fail. Captain No Bangs at your service.

Monday, November 1, 2010

hmm, so this is a kinda shit FR but i like telling of my adventures with my friend. 

We get to Alhambra at about 11:30 and fucking god was the line long. when i saw it took an hour to get in, i mean we got in at 12:40. In the line we were getting restless and just started talking to everyone in line, there was a 9 and a 3 infront of us. the 9 was fucking adorable, i would probably take 10 years off my life to fuck her. 5 years, lets not go crazy now. Anyway my mate started talking to her so being the friend i am i decided to occupy the 3 for a little while. it sucked, really sucked. she looked like the came straight from the 80's but had been hit by about 5 trains on the way. she wore a fucking white and grey checked suit coat. the worst part was she was keen, i was just monotone the whole time hating myself for wasting time with her because i never wing. i hate it, and dont expect anyone to wing for me.

So after half hour of her boring shit and seeing my friend making out with the 9 i got more jealous and then started listening to these guys try pickup the girls behind me in line by saying how much they love gossip girl and the OC etc. this angered me. I turned around and said "man, you're not doing yourself any favours by trying to like gossip girl just to impress these ladies. it isnt going to work, and besides, no one can liek those shows. they're shit"

"this guy doesnt respect me" - he says
"of course i dont fuck, do you want to hug it out?"

at this point the girls are giggling and the 2 guys notice i have a star tattoo on my wrist and a nose piercing and think it will be a good time to start calling me gay.

"well im obviously not fucking gay, i have a video on my phone of a chick giving me a blowjob and me giving her a facial."

"haha sure you do" - challenge accepted.

i get my phone out and show the group of 2 guys and 2 girls my junk in all its glory blowing ropes all over the girls face. my friend sees me doing this while with his girl and starts giggling.

A bit of small talk about them not believing its me and then me pointing my tattoo out in the movie then we're finally inside and i ditch them all. An hour later and the 2 girls are sitting in a booth and point at me saying "look its the video guy"

its on, i start with the uglier brunette but notice that the blonde is fucking amazingly hot. i want her so bad. i just stop talking to the brunette and start with blonde, she took aaaages. she had bad body language, wasnt looking me in the eye but told me to come with her to the couches. ive been talking to her for seriously 30 minutes - i never take this long to kiss a girl and i tell her that. she giggles and keep looking away, im starting to think im wasting my time but i say some line about how she is fucking adorable and an exact replica of the girl form the notebook (she really is) which makes her shy and i kiss her.

Im kissing her on the couch for prolly an hour, but my friends girl left him because the ugly 3 wasnt being distracted. he was pissed, i would be too. anyway, the club ugly lights come on at 4 am. i keep kissing her for a bit before finally leaving her without trying to take her home because i was staying on my mates bedroom floor. i dont think i could have gotten her home anyway.

My life mission right now is to have her. shes the most gorgeous little girl ive seen in a long time. but there lies my problem, i will never want to get rid of her.

My friend is also winning with his girl. her saying "next time we meet, im all yours" or something along those lines. im truly jealous of him the fucker.

anyway, so ive come up with a theory that my showing girls my dick on video can only help. im 2 from 2 so far with showing girls the video and then hooking up with them. lets see if i can make it 3 from 3 tonight? shitty FR, but i havent been out since thursday. sue me.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

When i drink i tend to be over confident. this is how it backfired.

So i was meant to be working last night from 7-10 (shit shift i know) and then after work the BJ video girl was meant to be staying over. but at 6:45 work called me and said dont worry about coming in, its quiet. "TO THE FOX I GOOO" i yell in the phone to the manager and by 8pm im at my friends house and shortly after on the way to the fox.

we get to the fox and my friend had seen "get him to the greek" aaaages ago but i only just saw it and finally appreciated the "awrite luv" line. so every girl i saw "awrite luv" they didnt like it. i did. fuck them for not having a sense of humour. the drinking begins. i forget that BJ girl - lets call her V, is meant to be coming over and im starting to get drunk. oops, oh wells i prefer new meat anyway. My friend sees his fake titted fuck buddy (V's close friend i should add, what are the odds?) and we go say hi. she asks if im matt because V has told her a lot about me. 

She has 4 hot friends, i systematically over the course of the night try to pick all 4 up but fake tits tells them no and is getting mad at me. so we go upstairs and while waiting for a drink at the bar some random dude comes up to me and says,

 "see the blonde at the bar, she wants to get to know you better"

"fuck her, tell her to come over here" (we were convinced he didnt know her) 

i then catch eye contact with her and give her a smile, she gives a ridiculously cute one back and its on. i walk over and say "you cant just look at me like that and not come say hi, im matt" she said "im sorry i had to wait and get my drink"

"dont worry about it, if you werent so fucking cute id be mad" 

i then kissed her and it was definitely on.  one of my fastest pickups thus far. 2nd fastest to be exact, got the kiss in under a minute and she would be close to the hottest girl ive picked up. anyway, im hooking up with her for a fair while, picking her up wrapping her legs around me. I tell her i need to get a photo for my collage of me making out with her :

(Deleted - No pics of girls please :P -Dex)

shes grinding against my dick and this is where i fuck up. At this point i should have grabbed her hand and left. but i was out with my best mate and for some reason i keep thinking bro's before ho's. turns out he thought id already left with her and didnt care :@. he finds me and meets the girl and we go to the bar, shes still grinding my dick while at the bar so i turn to my friend and say "should i finger her on the bar?" he just looked at me stupidly because we both knew the answer. i start rubbing her clitoris at the bar, she slows down and is still rubbing against me. i show my friend the task being completed (yeah i was bragging, who cares) we get drinks and then out of nowhere her other friends say their lift is here and try to drag her away. i tell her to stay with me tonight, she says she has to go but will talk to me later and gives me a kiss good bye. it was 100% my fault, i know i could have fucked her earlier but stayed around with my friend and the window of opportunity closed. i will fuck her tho, ive been messaging her today and its still most definitely on.

Anyway, that was when i was playing serious, afterwards is where my drinking backfired. 

we go upstairs and i see a 6 that has a really cute face but a tiny bit bigger than girls i usually talk too. im drunk i figure so its fine. i grab her and start playing the game as per usual and then i see Ari and tell him infront of the girl he has to see my BJ video. she hears this and isnt impressed and tries to walk away but i try to grab and say comeon, where you goin, you have to see it too. she was gone. meh.

I see a picture of ari's dick and then show him a video of my dick. dick for all.

At this point V is messaging me because she was meant to come over. i was like FUCK and just gave my phone to my friend to deal with her.

we go back downstairs and find fake tits and her friends, the 1 remaining friend that i hadnt tried to pickup was there so in i went. it was on, very on. but then fake tits grabbed her friend and said NO do not get with him. fuck. so i then started talking to fake tits and she was asking me why im such a player

"because i can have any fucking girl i want"

"i like the confidence, but really why?"

i grab her and tell her she knows she wants me and thats why shes pissed off with me because im picking up her friends. My friend is currently fucking this girl and is just sitting there trying not to laugh because she is getting angry at me.

"whered you're hot friend go, i must have her"

"matt, just dont. shes been screwed around by one too many guys"

"whats 1 more then?"

she then tells me that V really likes me and i say WTF she saw me hooking up with other girls and saw my take a girl home.

i say something again about where is your fucking friend. shes mine tonight. this doesnt please her. so i say fuck this im going upstairs for new meat. i go up there and its pretty dead so i come back down only to find fakies pissed off with my friend (because of me) i tell them im going to sleep in my car.

2 mins later my friend comes n gets me and tells me that he will never get to fuck her again because hes guilty by association. she really didnt like me. im convinced he can still get her back. anyway, we get home and i decide its time to fix things with V. this is how it went.

This is the convo over the entire night. this is not how to woo a lady via text.

incase you're wondering. thats a picture of my balls. 

This is not how to play the game properly, im more interested in being funny than getting bangs, but at the same time still get bangs. 

thats my story from last night. kinda boring. meh.

i should add, this method of being overly arrogant / cocky works. and works well. but only on sluts as Ari pointed out and i agree with. nice girls hate me, party girls like me. but since all i want right now is emotionless sex this is the right kind of game for me. It works fast, or you get blown out fast. no need to fuck around wasting time on girls going nowhere. but you need strong inner game, i get rejected a shitload but dont give a fuck because i know im the man and that someone hotter will come along.

So, i made my first facial video.

My best friend and I are kinda competitive when it comes to picking up and out doing each other. It started when i recorded the Orgasm Ringtone with the girl i wrote a FR about "Some girls just dont understand". Anyway, for those who havent read that basically i recorded a girl having an orgasm and turned it into a ringtone, then i showed it to my best friend and we started talking about all the possibilities of recording ourselves.

We decided that we would get spycams, but then a bit later we decided that we would just put video camera's at the end of our beds and just see what the girls said.

Then, Last wednesday night to 1-up me my friend video;d himself blowing on a girls tits and fuck was i jealous. We decided there was a list of things that were better, one being recording a facial, then the ultimate thing to record was giving a facial while saying "im the greatest pirate hunter in the world" - the line from Pirates. Much giggling was had at the thought of how epic the video would be.

So, in an attempt to win the game on sunday night while getting a BJ i pulled my camera out only for the girl to say no and make me put it away. FUCK i thought, i wanted to win. there is no way i could let him out do me. later in bed with the girl i randomly start giggling because im thinking about the awesomeness that could have been. She asks me whats up and i tell her the whole story about the game and all and she just laughs at how weird it is. Then said i should have gotten her drunk and it would have happened "pfft, you dont need to be drunk" was my reply.

She leaves and later im telling my mate about how i tried to win, and that when i invite her over again i swear to god il beat him. This is where the race begins.

I shouldnt have told him, because then straight away he starts messaging the girl he made his video with and tells her the whole story and starts making plans to get her over that night (last night). and i think FUCK and start messaging my girl like crazy saying she needs to come over etc. she is reluctant and i bribe her with spoons. she says shes 30 minutes away but my friends girl is 2 blocks away. i start getting nervous because he shows me parts of the convo where she is keen to come over and i am almost sure that im going to lose. Alas, 10 mins before my girl arrives his girl decides against the idea and then i start talking to Ari and Dex on FB telling them of the race for a few mins before she arrives. She gets here, i try to make the video right away but she isnt keen so after a few episodes of entourage and a glass or 2 of vodka its on.

"im the greatest pirate hunter in the world" as im blowing ropes all over her face on camera. as soon as im done i change my facebook status to confirm to my friend that ive completed the task as well as call him but as i call him to tell him on the other end of the phone i get a depressed friend.

 Other reasons ruined my fame and now i sit there on the couch naked feeling depressed knowing my mate is in his house down on himself because of fucking whores. I tell my girl that she has to leave so i can go be with my friend but she said she cant because shes been drinking. Fuck.

So here i am, the greatest pirate hunter in the world. Fame cut short by a depressed friend and i was stuck here on the other side of brisbane not being able to go hang with him.

my greatest moment and i couldnt share it.

But, this is only the beginning, many more races will happen. the motivation caused by something liek this is amazing.
So, there is a girl im fucking at the moment who just doesnt get it. il start from the beginning.

2 weeks ago (i think) i was at the regatta with my friend who had just been dumped by his girlfriend and he wanted me to take him out and help him pickup. I love gats and although previous nights out with this guy have ended up with him wanting to take home fatties, me winging a fatty, then us getting to their place and me not being able to bang something so fat so we swam in their pool and left our undies floating as we left.

thats beside the point, we go to gats and yeah hes a terrible wingman, i would be 1v1 with a girl and he would come up saying i have the biggest dick hes seen, or "this guy is a good man" or, when he was drunker he would finger their ass and rub it on their mouth - that was actually kinda hilarious". but i digress, i had seen this blonde 7 a few times during the night, caught eye contact, pointed at her and she came over a bit of fluff me saying she was fucking hot then me saying "ive never taken so long to kiss a girl before, its intriguing" then kissing her. got her number etc but didnt try to fuck her that night - who knows why.

She facebook stalks me, adds me and sends me a message asking why she never go my number. KEEN i thought, so i gave it to her and invited her over the next night. she sends me a message:

"yeah so we're not going to have sex if thats what you're thinking" i replied with

"come on, you barely know me but if you dont kiss me as good as last time we cant be friends"

She comes over and we're in my bed watching a movie - she loves my tongue in her ear so i started licking her ear and she says "i want you", Silly girl saying no bangs. i fucked her a few times that night and she stayed over.

She asked where she stands with me, i tell her i dont want a GF but while we're having fun why should we have to put labels on things (im trying to make an open relationship kinda thing). she says im just like every other guy buy she still wants to see me again so i invite her over again. This time i figure i will be a cunt to her because i dont want her getting attached. so yeah im pretty mean to her most of the night and fuck her a few times and said to her "promise not to fall in love, im not the guy for that" she says "i cant promise that, but il try" this is the part where i start getting a guilty conscience. So, to make her not like me i decided it was time for a surprise facial while she was giving me a BJ because ive never given a facial before. it was satisfying, and she didnt talk to me for 5 minutes - i guess she was surprised.

she leaves the next morning and sends me a text saying "last night was beautiful" WTF i just blew my fucking load all over your face. it wasnt beautiful, it was heroic. 

SO i invite her over again for bangs, this time i tell her that im recording it to make a ringtone. She says no, i said ok let me go get my phone il start recording. She keeps saying while its recording - its not gonna happen. But the best part is where she tells me to turn it off and i say "ok its stopped, i promise" and she screams ITS STILL RECORDING, YOU SUCK PENIS. but i continue recording and made her orgasm the ringtone for when she calls me - if any of you guys dont believe me/want to hear it, i will show you the recording in its entirety from my phone if i ever meet you out - and the ringtone. 

She leaves again and sends me more messages asking what i want from her, i tell her again that im not looking for a gf and that if she thinks i will be committed to her that i wont be, im a player etc. she says she STILL wants to see me, and that the way i look at her surely means more than just sex. it doesnt. 

Ok, she asked to come around last night, i was pretty drunk and told her that ive been drinking and if she wants to come over she has to coem pick me up from the party im at. she agrees to this and comes pretty much straight away. while drunk im getting kinda annoyed at seeing her so much, so i was a cunt to her the whole night saying things like "yeah so basically i just needed a lift home, thanks". I ended up fucking her a few times and then thought about how my best friend always loves blowing on a girls tits. so again while she was giving me a BJ i whipped it out and put 2 ropes on her chest before she quickly swallowed the rest to prevent any more chest fire.

She still says how much she likes me, and wants to see me again tomorrow. I cant deal with the amount of time im spending with the one girl - im going to blow her off tomorrow.
Last night after going to the movies with RichoTB, Drama and MrYano we went to the fox, i was drinking, my first time in 3 weeks. Anyway, i get a text from a girl i picked up the previous week asking where i am and that i should come to the normanby. My best friend saw this and grabbed my phone promising that hilarity ensues.

"your ass would look good on my cock" is how he replied. i laughed at this and didnt tell her it wasnt me. anyway she still told me to come to the normanby so after having some more fun and completely writing myself off i decided that i did in fact want to fuck her. so i went to the normanby and she asked about the message and i said "That was my friend messaging you, but i will still fuck you" (for some reason last night in my drunken state i decided that to get a snl i needed to tell every girl that i was going to fuck them, within a minute or two of talking to them, this didnt work)

One thing lead to another with her and i took her home, round one was all well and good but my condom had broken without my noticing and i blew my load right on in there. this should have given off warning bells that tonight wasnt going to go well. Round two time, she was ontop riding me and i decided i wanted to dominate her so i picked her up and forced her on her back while still fucking her. At which point she was trying to kiss me and her head smashed into my forehead and she chipped the fuck out of her tooth. She is american and needless to say had perfect teeth, now i chipped the fuck out of it and she looks like a common whore. 

I call my best friend at 3am many many times telling him of my fails, but this fail was so good that i decided to get the girl to call him and tell him what happened while i laughed in the background. Looking back on the situation i probably shouldnt have laughed at her fucked up tooth, and in the future, if the girl wants to ride me, il just let her ride me.

Pic for proof ;)

Here we go

This is a journal with sole purpose of posting my FR's from the brisbane fraternity. I do it for the luls. I have a Hairless Cat. I dont take anything seriously. I live in Australia. These are my Adventures.